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At Wesleyan, we’re the “Battling Bishops.” We should be named after some bird, or something the way I saw it. I told this to Arthur and he suggested perhaps the “Battling Bluebirds,” which made me laugh.We won, even, but better than that -- as I reported to my dorm-mates -- we hugged.Football was a different story, homecoming against Wabash. We didn’t have a chance, but we didn’t care, as we’re about education, not tackles. Autumn skies, autumn foliage. The marching band. Couples toting blankets. Arthur and I didn’t bring a blanket, of course, but our hands, his left and my right, brushed as we entered the stadium.It was the long pass -- a Hail Mary, Arthur called it -- that got us Battling Bishop believers on our feet, the ball lofting into the hands of our man already speeding for the end zone.I hugged Arthur in the frenzy, the band having concluded “Battle on, Bishops” before I realized I’d not let go, and stayed that way through the extra point, the cheers around us.When the word. Then after a hurried kiss, I boarded the train just as it was ready to leave, and from the window watched her standing on the platform waving goodbye as the Train left the station. The next morning I felt different, as doubts started to plague me, while I admit to having enjoyed what had happened to me yet it also scared me. I had butter flies in my stomach as it occupied my mind as I sat there trying to eat some breakfast. Mother told me she had some errands she wanted me to do for her, and in a way I felt relieved. It gave me a chance to get out of the house, as I went about the errands all I could think about was how I felt, alone, scared, and was I a queer? I knew what had happened wasn't right, wasn't natural as we were supposed to fall in love with a man. In the last 4 months or so I had left home, lost my virginity, and not only that had sex with my friend. Now I was back home and the one woman who I'd always looked up to wanted me to make love to her. My letters to her.
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