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I was left behind with my thoughts. On the first day I thought only about how difficult it was for me to say it aloud, how scared I was of it. I paced around the empty flat the whole day, made cups of tea to calm me down and then forgot them lying around with only a few sips drunk. I slept little that night. On the second morning I wished I could call him and ask him to come back so we could talk. I could make him understand, I was sure of it. I missed him. I wanted to touch him and I wanted him near me so I could smell his after shave and hear one of his stupid stories about Italy. The next day found me as a mess. My heart started to ache around noon that day, I was sure it was because I missed him so. The problem with three words seemed stupid now, insignificant and small. I became angry at myself for being so scared of every little thing in this world, for being a wimp, for only having the courage to touch him when he wanted to hear my words too. God, it was so frustrating to. "Um, Ben, I guess, if we're going to do this, we should get undressed, right?" and I began getting undressed and was soon standing naked in front of him still wearing his shorts. "Ben, are you joining me?" and he jumped slightly and pulled down his shorts and stood there. His penis was large, I'd never seen one on a grown boy and it kind of hung down a bit, all long and pink. "We'll need a condom, Ben, I'm not on the pill," as I watched his penis swaying slightly. I was now very interested in having sex with my best friend's brother. "Um, oh, yes, I've got some. Right here," and he dug in the back of his drawer and pulled out a condom and opened the foil wrapper and rolled it on to his stiff penis and stood there. I was now wondering if he really had any experience at all or if he was just bluffing his way into my panties. Nonetheless, his naked body was giving me rather wonderful feelings between my legs. I got onto his bed and, when he just stood there, I said, "I'm ready, Ben,.
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