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Nothing. Zilch. Nothing I could salvage, even with the hardest highest-contrast paper I could find. It was hopeless. I felt like shit. Like failure. Dad wouldn't have approved, I'm sure of that.Just a fuckup. That's what it felt like and that's what it was. So, no, I didn't cry, but I felt like it. I solved it the way I'd solved so many similar things over the years: I cut it out of my life. I told myself it was because I was bored with it, that I hated darkroom work, that I was only doing it because Dad did it and my brother the jerk did it, and I didn't really want to do it, anyway.That wasn't entirely true, though. The fact is that while I was no Ansel Adams, I got some pretty good results. Mostly in portraits, now and then in a landscape. Lee was my primary subject in the early years, no surprise there, and our kids when they came along, alone and in groups, sometimes with grandparents or aunt, absorbed in whatever they were doing. Reading, sometimes, kid in lap. A favorite was. “So, I had quite the surprise today, ” he said.“Oh really? And what was that?” I was almost too afraid to ask, but I knew it was what he wanted me to do.“Well, love. I came home to an empty house. No dinner on the table, no fiancée anywhere to be found. See, I was quite confused by this. I had thought we had agreed you would be home by 6 o’clock each night?”This we had. I quickly tried to make excuses, but he hushed me and shut me down at each. I finally accepted my guilt and apologized to him.“Well my dear, I accept your apology. However, we need to make sure that this does not happen again, don’t we?”I could barely muster a “yes, sir” I was shaking so badly imagining what was to come.In one swift motion, he moved me from the arm of the chair so that I was bent over his lap. He spent a moment rubbing my bottom through my pencil skirt. But the second he stopped I could feel it unzipping, revealing my black lacy thong. He patted me a few times, before saying what I had been dreading.
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