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Never once did my mom ask why I had been in the fights or why I did what I did. I did everything I did for her. I never got into fights over petty things, but when someone made a pass at my mom, they regretted it. Cutting was my way of escaping the pain of knowing that all I was, was a reminder to my mother of my father, and as a disappointment to her for all the things I did. I found my dad’s service knife when I was twelve. I was at home after school, waiting for my mom to get off work. I missed him and went to my mom’s room and to her closet to his gear. He had three knives, a military grade throwing knife, a combat knife, and a Swiss Army knife with multiple different things in it like a corkscrew, a knife, and a saw. I was playing with the combat knife and the throwing knife. The combat knife slipped out of my hand and cut my arm. It was painful, but it with the pain came a clarity that I never had since the day the Marine’s came to the door telling my mother that my father was. I wondered how I ever could have missed someone so powerful before. It seemed stupid. He could have tried harder to hide, but he wanted me to find him, so I did.The night lived around me, throbbing with power, as I pulled into the gravel paved lot in front of an nasty looking dive bar. A motley assortment of modified motorcycles were lined up out front, and Iron Maiden, of all the trite possibilities, came blasting out of the recently repaired door and frame.I must have been a sight as I walked into that bar, cause conversation stopped. Around me were probably thirty or forty mostly drunk looking hard cases. The environment seemed to call forth wall to wall beards, dirty leather vests, torn Levis' and bad teeth.At the far end of the bar, in a battered looking booth sat Loris, Natalie, and Martine, drinking and talking. I walked up. Around me conversation hesitantly restarted, and the bartender yelled over to ask if I needed an ambulance. I looked down to see myself covered in crusty,.
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