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When she stepped back it was to open her coat. He tossed his towards the couch.When they kissed this time, he could feel her shape -- the shape that had haunted his dreams for so long. Her breasts were soft on his chest while he stroked down her back and cupped her bottom. He was stiff as a board. The only good way to end this was in bed, but his car was still parked at the church and people knew where he had gone. Besides, that Jen had cooperated in the kiss didn’t mean that she was ready to fuck. He had to get away while his big head still had some say in what his body would do.“It is as good as my dreams,” he said. “I’m going to leave while I can. I’ll call.” And he walked out. He put his coat on outside, then got his car from the church. The first half of the drive back was spent recalling the kisses. Then he began to plan. They’d gone about as far as they could go in her parsonage, one hell of a lot further than was wise for her to go. And, if he could get a kiss at the end of. Any injury Iinflict hits me twice as bad. I can't cut her any more than I could severmy own neck. And it's not that I want her to suffer. I want to end hersuffering, but I can't. She is so very fragile and vulnerable, and itbreaks my heart to see her sad. It would be easier if I could truly hateher, but I can't. I love her with every fiber of my heart. But I don'ttreat her like I love her. I keep her locked away, out of sight, in thedark. Where no one can see her, and no one can hurt her, but she can'treally live like this. She wants to feel the sun on her skin, and shareher smile and warmth and love with the world. She wants to make friends,and have people to talk to and play with. She just wants a normal life andI can't give it to her. The world is a sharp, cruel place with many teethand things that gnash and tear. The world will eat her alive, brutalizeher, destroy her. In here she is safe. Safe and locked away from the world- and from any chance of salvation.I tried ignoring her,.
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