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But then he thought, why pay for it anyway? Why bother? A woman wouldn’t love him anyway, as though love and matters of passion were also characters in his delusional play. But regardless of how horrible he felt about his paying for sex, he had to leave the apartment at some point, only he didn’t know why he should leave, as nothing really waited for him on the other side of the thin wooden door that separated his apartment from the rest of the town outside. Life on the other side of the door seemed as dreary as the day before, yet it was filled with the possibility that he may run into someone who still smiled and, therefore, understood some little bit about him.When he finally forced himself to leave his apartment, he walked down a sunny street that blinded him to the other pedestrians on it until he rested underneath the awning of a local grocery store that sold wilted flowers and rotting fruit. Walking past him was a woman, although not such a glorious vision of the woman he had. ’ He sat down beside me and put his arms around me. I didn’t respond. ‘Why do you want to beat yourself up so much? Please, you must try to see the advantages of the situation.’ The kettle began whistling and Sasha rose to get it. In a few minutes, he returned with the tea. ‘I hate to have to tell you this, but I’ve got to go into the office today, very soon as a matter of fact. We’ve got a very big deal in the works, and they’re going to let me head up the negotiations! I won’t be long, though. I’ll be back after lunch. We’ll go out, if you want. I think you need to go for a ride – maybe up to that state park again?’ He smiled, but I just looked at him blankly. You have no idea, do you, I thought. Well, it would make what I have to do easier. I can’t let on… ‘OK, that sounds good.’ I forced a weak smile. ‘I need to make some phone calls anyway. You just go. I’ll see you later.’ ‘Thank you for understanding. I feel bad about leaving you alone again, but I’ll make it up to you, I.
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