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. it must have hurt you." That's what I wanted at the time," she replied sadly. "To see blood. To feel pain." She paused dejectedly. "I ... I was really fucked up, sir."It's the first time I'd ever heard her use harsh language. I reached out and took her hand in mine, and she looked down and studied them ... our two hands ... seemingly mesmerized by the sight. "How fucked up were you, Dawn?"She shrugged. I got the weird impression she was talking to our hands rather than to me. "Oh ... pretty fucked up. And ... at the moment, I was drunk ... and high. All of a suddenly, I decided that I didn't want to die a virgin. I had just swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, you see ... one of the same kinds of pills you have upstairs next to your bed. I woke up the next day in a pool of my own vomit. How pathetic is THAT!?" Why did you do that? Why did you try to kill yourself?"She sighed heavily and continued to speak to the hands. "I read a dozen books on psychology at the library after. He told how he had fallen into a period of depression, during which he had believed that Madison had only been a gift to him from his father; how he had mistakenly believed that she had just been one of his father's concubines; and basically, how he had not communicated well enough with his own wife to allow them to work through any issues that they may have had, sexual or otherwise."Mo, I have finally awakened to the truth over the past year. I still love Maddy with all my heart. I know that things can never be exactly like they were; but, after talking to her here, I have decided that we are going to do everything we can possibly do to try to heal together emotionally while she heals physically." Carl was actually smiling now at the thought of Madison and the potential of their being back together somehow in the near future.Mo surprised Carl by saying, "I guess you may just have a heart more like that of your father than your mother after all." Seeing Carl nod and smile, Mo could.
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