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There was something about him when he asked that that I still have not forgotten. He was smiling but he looked guarded. So…?, he asked again. Like it was actually important to him. I think that was the moment I really let go of the last of the taboos that I had. Maybe, and its Tim, I said. Then lets pretend that I am Tim since I have deprived you of the pleasure of his acquaintance, Steffan said. How so?, I said, my eyes twinkling. He took both my hands and pulled me towards him and placed it in his shoulder. My heart was beating really fast now. Sure, he probably thought he was just doing a nice brotherly thing but then I had let my inhibition drain away. I just drew myself even closer to him. I could feel his body, warm and half naked. All the toned muscle and the strength on his arms. I could feel his heart thumping away too, maybe a bit fast but that could easily have been my imagination. I rested my face on his shoulder to be deprived of the look on his face when we were. He claimed to be 19, just the sort of age I liked, and he claimed to like older men, men like me. After chatting about 3 times a week, for a month or so I decided to take a chance and risk another failure. We decided on a date and a time. Selected a place which would permit us to meet without too much chance of any known person seeing us and asking awkward questions. In today’s much more open and tolerant society I still look back in wonder at the amount of secrecy and care we had to take to remain undiscovered. The lengths we had to go just to express our inner desires and needs. Although there was a lot going on behind locked doors and in the dark corners of our lives, most guys had a much more sharing and giving attitude then is found in today’s gay world. If you knew someone was into man to man sex there would be little hesitation to introduce him to others you knew and visa -a- versa, with never a breath of these matters ever reaching the ears of parents or even siblings. I.
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