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I still consider myself a heterosexual. I still shave and wear women’s lingerie, underwear, etc. but the frequency is getting less compared to a few years ago. There’s nothing sexier than a woman, to me. Perhaps that’s why, if I could, I’d become a woman. But when I watch straight videos, I put myself in the place of the woman. I identify more with her. I’m not wishing I were that guy nailing her, but wishing I was her getting nailed. I’ve always been submissive and very eager to please. I’ve never had an encounter with another man. I’d love to some day and hope it will happen, but I would have to be fully dressed as a woman and play the part to its fullest. And it wouldn’t bother me if it was a manly man or a crossdresser—I just want to have a homosexual encounter and not be in control. I’m not getting any younger. So many years have passed me by. It’s all perspective, you know. Looking ahead, 10 years down the road seems like a long time away. Looking back, 2008 seems like. However,the last hundred years or so, the Vizier has been selected from the male offspringof a closely intermarried group of families. These families also supplythe young girls from among whom are selected the four wives of the Pasha. Withoutarmies and money the job of the Pasha - go out and conquer - has become a joke. Andas the job has become a joke so has the man. It has been a hundred yearssince we stood before the gate of Vienna while the infidels trembled. Andit has probably been a hundred years since a real man sat the throne of theSublime Porte on the shores of the Golden Horn. Now he sits in his haremand we his four wives bicker and scheme for his favor. At the time of this story Selim was actually a handsome man. When Constanzacame into our lives he was not the elderly corpulent buffoon usually depictedon the stage. He was in fact a fine figure of man although not exactlyhung like a bull. His mustache and beard were neatly trimmed and he allowedus to dress him.
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