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“Paul,” she said, “I want you to fuck me please fuck me hard, come inside me and we can figure everything else out after all of that!”By the time she was done asking the question I had taken off her panties and was displaying my imperfections to her and sliding my way deep inside my younger sister.She was remarkably silent to this and I began plunging over and over and over again and she responded by holding onto my shoulders as she smiled at me like nobody else ever has in my entire lifetime.A magnificent moment of release let loose the hundred million sperm that I hoped would result in a little boy or girl.After cleaning up the mess, we did it four more times and her phone rang!She had cleverly made a new outgoing message while she had waited for me in the car, that said “You have reached Annie Pennsyls. I am on my honeymoon and I’ll get to everyone who leaves a message after the smile on my face goes away!”There had been multiple calls and many messages but we didn’t listen to them. There, I'd either had a Dilatation and curettage (D&C ) or ahysterectomy. (Removing the whole uterus.) A big difference I know butreally there was no way to be sure what had been done. Even feeling myown tummy didn't really help. The lack of an abdominal wound didn'tpreclude a hysterectomy. They could still do it transvaginally. Icould feel that I had a blood filled pad between my legs but I wouldhave had that no matter what was done to me.For someone who 12 months ago didn't have a uterus and would neverhave expected to, I was stunned by the devastation I felt at thethought of the loss of it.I could never have a child now if that was the case.I felt just as many women must at the thought of that outcome. Hollow.Empty. Sad.I still couldn't imagine being with anyone post Kevin, but myfertility was a separate thing to that.Somehow I felt less of a woman if I couldn't bear a child. I could trytalking myself into realizing how utterly absurd that all was, butright then it was the.
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