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She looked at her shaking hands as she folded the panties and bras and put them in the bottom drawer. It was hard to admit to herself how much she wanted to kiss every piece. But she had resisted. It seemed like a small kind of victory. She hadn’t gone that far, at least. Even though she had lost control of her life to an unreal, fantastic change in every other way. She finished the underwear and went to the kitchen, which was a complete mess. This was Mary’s fault. Sandy had wanted lasagna, but Mary took too long to prepare it, and Sandy hadn’t been in the mood anymore when it was finally ready. Mary looked at the broken baking dish and the greasy remains of the lasagna on the floor. The bottom of Sandy’s sneakers had left clear imprints in the clumps of tomato sauce, minced meat and pasta. In a box on the table, there were the edges of the pizza Sandy had eventually ordered. Mary looked over her shoulder to the playroom. The door was closed; Sandy had turned up the volume. In the snow as he'd said goodbye to her. While unconfirmed, somehow he just knew that she had been pregnant. Standing at her casket... their casket ... had been hard, yet it had also given some small amount of closure. He finally felt it wouldn't betray her memory to move on and face the world again.He'd lost her once before when the engagement came to an end. He had pushed through that, with his walls perfectly in place around him and turned to work for solace. This was vastly different though. He'd go back to work tomorrow, sure, but he'd likely have a harder time keeping the walls so intact this time.After Keen had dropped him off at his apartment following the funeral, he'd felt empty. It was the first time since Audrey's death that it truly came to him that he was alone again. He'd been so grieved by her death that he hadn't really thought of the days ahead. The coming weeks, months and years without her. Years in which he might have watched his child grow. He'd told Keen the.
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