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“One day, I was putting a box on the top shelf of my closet and looked up to see a trap door. I climbed up the ladder nailed to the wall and opened that little door. I heard music and I heard people having fun and I was so bored, I had to go see. When I climbed up through that hole, I was in a narrow, dark hallway between the business rooms upstairs. I went back down and got a candle and a match and went right back up there. I had an idea about what I was going to see, but what I saw gave me a whole new education of men and women mating. I learned all about the things a woman can do for her man and all the things some men will do for their woman.”“Have you ever done any of those things since you learned how?”“No, but I did meet a white boy at college who fancied me. We slipped off one day and he taught me how to kiss. Well, I had seen it done but I had never done it before and when he kissed me I knew right then that I wanted more.”“Did you and the white boy do more?”“Oh No. He did. Seemed like fun to me, a good investment for MegaSports, so – a win, win really.And, yes, I was looking forward to it: I've installed these things in stadia around the world, never, ever had a problem with a single instance, so ... yes, I was looking forward to a bit of a jolly, to be honest.Comondante BuffoWe set it up, we let it roll. Its all in the planning, see? A couple of my compadres went off to an island in the South Pacific, chosen because there wasn't so much as a bar with satellite TV, another took a boat out into the Atlantic. Me? Well, that would be telling, but I took a tent and went somewhere I couldn't even get a radio signal. And I got there by bus, too – so no excess carbon footprint on my conscience, either.But all of us, I'm sure, just got on with our lives. I mean, what's done is done and all that, yeah?Polly the PoolNext morning, I was up about 5am. Not a lot of sleep – I'd got home not four hours before – but, then, I never really expected to sleep at this.
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