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Magic, as dreamed by the men and women who slavishly pursue it, is the ultimate expression of doing whatever the fuck you want. Not a fan of aging? Boom, twenty-six forever. Gravity would prefer you stay on the ground? Fuck you Gravity, we're flying up in this bitch. Your neighbor somehow hasn't transformed into a snail yet? Well I hope he's ready for a one-way ticket to Snailsville, because that's where he's headed. And despite pouring over countless moldy tomes, swearing fealty to endless secret cults and who knows how many blood sacrifices, nothing has ever come of any of this rigorous inquiry besides allergy flare ups, costly cult membership dues and bloodstains that are almost impossible to get out of a white couch cushion. It has therefore been the sullen conclusion of nearly every would-be wizard and penny-ante alchemist that Magic, that most sublime of Mysteries, simply does not exist.They're wrong, of course. Magic most certainly exists. But it has historically been the case. Talk about disappointed... "That's dirty." "I don't do things like that." "Not me." "You're a pervert." Like I needed her to tell me that. I hit bottom with a girl who refused any oral sex, giving or receiving, and made me wear a rubber for sex and wouldn't touch it before or after, and sex only with the lights out and no touching before or after. It was like sex was a filthy perversion you do and forget about as soon as possible ... That girl broke me, which I suspect is the purpose of those centuries of teaching girls to act like that, break men's will by denying them the pleasure of unbridled sex. It is a centuries long conspiracy to strip men of their masculinity and give women all the power through controlling and doling out sex.Horn dog me, I even tried to get Lori back but some smart fellow had already figured out what took me two more years to realize, and was engaged to her. She did give me a for-old-times mercy fuck which just made me even more certain I had fucked up. I.
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