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Most importantly, he concluded that he'd never been a big risk taker, he'd almost always played things too cautiously, settling for less rather than risking failure or loss. In that regard, he felt he was repeating some of his mother's mistakes. Since it had turned out so poorly for her, he had no justification to believe that it would work out better for him.He had found some positive things about his current life too. He liked California, he liked his condo, he liked having enough money to be able to make choices in how he lived. He liked being independent, answerable only to himself. His life wasn't bad really, it just wasn't happy. He had been very happy at times with Donna, but it had always eventually required him to endure large amounts of unhappiness. In all his adult life though, other than those good periods with Donna, he'd never been happy. He had convinced himself that those good times had come with too high a price tag in misery. He decided to phone his mother."Ma, I. Then there was a shuffling about, and again it seems as if I heard a noise like piddling, the light was put out, I felt agitated, I heard the women kiss, one says “Hish! you will wake that brat,” then one said, “Listen” then I heard kisses and breathing like someone sighing, I thought someone must be ill and felt alarmed and must then have fallen asleep. I do not know who the women were, they must have been my cousins or young ladies who had come to the dance. That was the first time I recollect seeing the hair of a cunt, though I must have seen it before, for I recollect at times a female (most likely a nursemaid) stand naked, but don’t recollect noticing anything black between her thighs, nor did I think about it at an afterward.In the morning my mother came and took me up to her room, where she dressed me; as she left the room, she said to the females in bed they were not to hurry up, she had only fetched Walter.To be Continued by Vol 01 Ch. 01 Part..
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