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He can get quite agitated at times and in those times can get quite violent, he will cry great gobs of tears. He will talk and talk to Julian, laugh insanely at jokes he heard from no one. Which scares us half to death, and we can say till we’re face blue that Julian is not there, that he will never be there, that you are just doing yourself an injury, your mind is sick, you need hospital again—but we can’t have him committed, the thirty days we made him spend were torture to him, all the good they did was to give him the drugs, if the drugs are not compounding his state. The doctors, good though they are, do not know what he was like before all this, before the drugs too, when he had been able to be level headed and reasonable and cheerful many times, as long as there was Julian. Who is to say the drugs have not propelled him into this nightmare? Who is to say he might have gotten over Julian’s passing already, without them? Morning came slowly, ever so. I am exhausted. Holding. Like gramps would say, you are putting the cart before the horse here. You should chose one option to pursue first then use that to focus enough to masturbate. You figure the best way to decide between two options would be to flip a coin. But that doesn't seem to fit the theme of this decision. It should be something sexual in nature. You wrack your brain for a sexually charged way to decide. Then you remind the time in high school and played spin the bottle. That was a great memory you reminisce over kissing your crush. And now that you think about it an inordinate number of the other girls and a few of the guys playing the game with you. So you will use spin the bottle to pick with half the circle for one option each. "Fuck," you exclaim when you realize you don't actually have a glass bottle to spin. You think you have to have something else that would fill in. You run through what you have that you could use.Pencil or pen? Nah, too pedestrian you think.Shampoo bottle? No, too.
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