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This has actually been one of my better days in the past few months.“Dad, I suppose I’ve always taken for granted that you would be here forever, even after we were all grown and started raising families. When Momma first told me of your illness, I cried for days and tried to keep it to myself. I finally had to tell my brother, Eli, about you just so I’d have someone to talk to about this. He swore that he’d never tell the others, though we were to never have secrets between us.”“Ezra, my time is drawing near. Your mother and I have made our peace with each other, with our lives, and with this earth. We already have our wills in place.“I’m proud to tell you that you and Karly Jo have given me the fondest memories of my life. I have watched you become a man, I’ve watched you take a wife, and bear sons and daughters. I’ve seen you take on the responsibilities of owning and operating a ranch and farming operation twice the size of Crow Ridge Cattle Company. In my eyes you have been a. But now I feel nothing. Nothing but what HEhas told me to feel. I do nothing except what HE tells me to do. I amonly a toy, and as I must make sure to remind myself in so many waysthat this is, after all, all my fault.My instructions before each Visit are very clear, and I follow themwithout thinking. Thinking is something people do, and as I said, I amonly a toy. I must prepare myself as HE has told me to before I enter HISdoor. At one time, that was a hard task for me, but not now. The flickers ofshame and disgust at myself I experience are permitted, so long as theydon't prevent me from completing my task.My mother smiles at me as she drops me off. She has no idea what goes oninside. Nor can I tell her. How could a nine-year-old boy tell his motherhe is evil?It has been two years since my first Visit, but I cannot recall most ofthem, except in short flashes. I do know that today's Visit is supposedto be special. something that HE has been preparing for since HE.
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