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I thought you said you never knew your mother?’ ‘I didn’t. But years later, I found out who my real parents were. My mother’s name was Pussy Galore, if you can believe that! Her name used to embarrass me, until I decided to call myself Wendy Welcomes Warmcox, and now I think HER name is pretty cool. She was a blonde like me, too.’ ‘How do you know that?’ ‘Well, I GUESS she was blonde. Honor Blackman played the role of my mother in the James Bond movie, Goldfinger. Blackman was blonde in the movie, so I assume my mother was.’ ‘And your father?’ ‘Was James Bond, of course. They met when James was fighting the REAL Aurik Goldfinger, just like in the movie. The mere sight of that debonair British spy must have gotten my mother’s pussy awfully horny, because just like the Pussy Galore character in the movie, my mother immediately and literally took a roll in the hay with Bond. Nine months later, I popped out, but of course, by then Bond had moved on to other spying adventures and other. “What’s she like then Charlie’?” asked Bob with a smile to the others. “Good in bed? Or just manage it on the lawn?” The pub erupted in a hail of cruel laughter. Charles ignored them all. “Look,” said Charles, “ I just get on with my life, ok?” His stare never left the tankard of beer, as he knew to look them in the eye, would bring down more derision. “Sounds like you are getting on with Mr D****r’s for him,” laughed Bob. “After all, you’re getting on his wife.” The man wheeled round to more brutish laughter from the others, all enjoying the spectacle. “We’ll have none of that sort of coarse language Bob Tailor, thank you.” The Landlord knew the atmosphere was getting out of hand, and wanted things to calm down a little. “He can’t go around shagging the richest woman in the village and get away with it. We all know!” Bob carried on with his pursuit of the fun, looking to his allies for support. “What ever he does, he’s more decent than you. So I’ll thank you.
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