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’ I reply. She comes through the door. ‘So?’ she asks ‘How did it go?’ ‘Terrible.’ ‘Was the clinic that bad?’ ‘I kept picturing you and Bertha together.’ ‘Bet that was hot.’ ‘Yeah, for Bertha.’ Lynn climbs into bed with me and lays her head in my lap. ‘So I elected to have the camera.’ ‘The what?’ I explain the whole lubricated process to her. ‘Dear God!’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘And the results?’ ‘Processing. Men take a little more time then ladies.’ For once. ‘Well sounds like you need some special treatment.’ She runs her hand up my thigh. ‘Not tonight baby.’ ‘Really?’ She leaves to go to the kitchen to get something to eat. I simply stare at the emasculate pheasant. After dinner the phone rings. ‘Mister Crawford.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Hi, this is Doctor Lewis from the clinic. I have your results from testing. ‘Alright.’ ‘We need you to come back in to confirm the test. Our lab consensus is that you have Azoospermia. The tests are not final until we do a second check. Azoospermia is a disease where your. ”“My cab was late.”“Never spoil the illusion. That German girl of yours was gorgeous!”“American.”“Whatever. I can see why you made such an ass of yourself. Now, Flick has told Hattie to chaperone you tonight to make sure you don’t make a tit of yourself. But there is one little someone I want you to meet.”“If you’re matchmaking...”“Would I? Anyway, she’s an exotic.” That, for Lilly, meant foreign and probably not white. “She was at Uni with me and she’s from Ceylon.”“Isn’t it called Sri Lanka now?” I asked.“Don’t be ridiculous. Anyway, her father was something very grand, diplomatic I think and she studied Politics and now works for the Foreign Office although she did a few years in America, poor darling. She’s as queer as a rabbit with two heads of course.”“Of course.” When Lilly was in full flood there was no point trying to stem her flow.“Well, you go and behave yourself. Find Hattie and let her lead you through all the glad-handing then I’ll introduce you.”“Lilly...”“Must dash.
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