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"Alex said, "That's alright honey, I better go get you something for your tummy."He turned and left me sitting there peeing, and peeing, and peeing. I sat there trying to remember the night before. I tried to remember arriving wherever it was that we were at. All I could recall is meeting Alex at my door when he picked me up. I tried to remember what I was wearing at the time; I seem to recall a party dress. Yes, I remember we where going to go to a party somewhere. I remember that we stopped for a soda and that is all I could remember. I sat there bewildered by this. Why couldn't I remember anything?Alex returned with a bubbling glass of Bromo seltzer. He offered it to me and I drank it down in hopes it would help this rumbling in my tummy. He walked back out leaving me on the pot. I could hear the men all talking, but I couldn't actually pick up on any words. Once in awhile I would hear "she" and "can't"; but nothing to make any sense of.I wiped myself and was astonished at what I. Two days later, he delivered a huge bunch of flowers to my desk to apologise. I accepted his apology, but told him we couldn't be friends." I can understand why you didn't tell me when it happened, but when I found out, why didn't you just tell me all this then? Why did you let me believe that he was more than that to you? And above all else, why couldn't you tell me that you simply loved me? That was the bit that really hurt the most." Because I didn't understand my own feelings. I thought I loved you so much. I now realise that I did love you, that I do love you so much. But back then, all I could think about was that if I loved you so much, then how did I let this happen? What sort of person was I that professed my love, but had sex with another man? I knew that at that moment with Peter, I wanted him to fuck me. I wasn't drugged or seduced, I wanted it. What sort of wife and mother does that make me? That's why I couldn't say I loved you, I really was doubting all I'd ever felt.".
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