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“I drew two circles like this: oO. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison...”This is compliments of J & BJust some DEEP thoughts for 2017• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.• My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.• The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.• My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 lbs I’ve gained since then.• I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”• The speed with which a woman says “nothing”, when asked “What’s wrong?”, is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.• Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in. ‘I laughed in your face when you offered me ten million dollars to stop seeing her. You sounded like a joke of a medieval king. Didn’t you think for a nanosecond about the destruction it could cause to your relationship with Ashley? Didn’t you think for a nanosecond about the rift that would cause in your relationship with Joanne? Did you give a hot damn what it would do to Ashley? ‘I sucked up your vile, smarmy attitude because I didn’t want Ashley hurt. You could have escaped that damage if you had kept your stupid mouth shut.’ ‘What do you know, you pissant?’ My father stopped, realizing his mistake, not that he could have saved the situation. He had not denied offering Jeff ten million dollars. I would have believed Jeff anyway. ‘I’ve had enough of you,’ my father said. ‘There is no way I can fix the damage you have done to Ashley and your relationship with her. But if you don’t admit your role in this to her and refrain from any future disruptive effort or even so much as an.
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