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A fat slumbering rattler with a body the size of my arm and about as long as I am tall became the catch of the day.“Want to do the honors?” I offered her my hunting knife, which she promptly refused.“I hate snakes. You take care of it.” Alice took a step backward.I was pissed and perplexed. My partner, the wild mountain woman, had no problem slaughtering Bambi but went AWOL when it came to putting food on the table to keep us alive in our Godforsaken cave. Go figure.Except sucking on my mother’s tit while a baby, everything I ate in my life came from the supermarket in jars, cans, boxes, and little Styrofoam platters wrapped in clear plastic film. I lived the sheltered life of a city dweller.I placed the mess kit on the ground and with the survival manual in one hand and my hunting knife in the other, I did a quick review and set about dispatching Rocky the Rattler. Even though the handbook was in Spanish, the illustrations spoke the universal language of the illiterate. A picture is. Do you know why?”“Oh that crazy old fart,” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August.This One Is Compliments of Dave DA lady doctor was almost done for the day when her last patient came in looking like he was in pain. “What can I do for you?” she asked with a smile, “Well it’s a bit embarrassing, you’ll probably laugh.”“I can assure you that I would not laugh under any circumstances, I am a highly trained professional and I think I can honestly say I have seen everything”“Well it’s my penis”“All right sir please take your pants and shorts off, let me have a look”He dropped them and stood there holding a cock that was roughly the same size as an AAA battery! Remembering what she’d said earlier, she swallowed a giggle and said.“What’s wrong with it?”“Can’t you see, it’s swollen?”The doctor ran out of the room!We Miss Rodney DangerfieldWith my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me.
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There was no smile on his face but he did look down at me and I could tell he liked how I was looking. I walked in. His flatmates , Vishal and Ankit, were sitting on a sofa. They are always on the sofa watching some football match. God, they need a pussy! I was walking straight to Gaurav’s bedroom.Gaurav – ‘Where are you going Smriti? Sit on the couch.’I turned back and what I saw on the TV took all my strength away, I started trembling. There I was, on the TV, all naked, bouncing my boobs and riding Gaurav. Vishal and Ankit were smiling at me. I walked slowly to the couch and sat, I needed to sit down. I did not realize, I was sitting between Ankit and Vishal. My legs were shaking and I knew I should not have come to him.Vishal placed a hand on my naked thigh and offered me a glass. I was still shaking, the gravity of Gaurav sharing the pics and videos was settling on me.Gaurav – ‘Take the glass Smriti and gulp it down.’I think it was vodka. I was given one more glass and I gulped.

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