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I had a million questions. Did she like it? Were the characters well developed? Did I get the extra half-point for my grade? “It’s a good first effort,” she said. First effort? Shit! That could only mean it needs a second effort. “Now please don’t consider criticism to be negative when it is intended to help you make this better. I’m not going to use words like ‘I like it’ or ‘I don’t like it’. That’s irrelevant to our discussion. My personal tastes are not at issue. I’ll try to keep this as objective as I can within the realm of language and literature. Good enough?”“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I was already a bit dejected. I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one. She held Jill's face and kissed her.This was a tender kiss.And so tender that Jill built the confidence to ask:"May I undress you?"The answer was the one that this last kiss suggested:"Yes. Please."But then Sally changed her answer:"Just... I mean... First, I want to see you naked."And Jill showed herself."My... Jill, I... You're gorgeous! I knew you would be beautiful, but... Wow!" Thanks, Sally."They kissed again. And Jill started to unbutton Sally's blouse.And Sally touched Jill's skin. She touched Jill's belly, and didn't move her hand. She just enjoyed Jill's firm, hot skin on her hand. And, as Jill started to move her hands lower, Sally also moved her hand. But not lower. Their goals were the same: their breasts.Jill lightly touched Sally's tits, while she was opening that blouse.Sally used just one hand, but she really felt Jill's left breast. She really felt how soft it was, how big, how hot. She felt its weight.And Jill moaned. They were both so ready for this. Jill started.
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