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Lacy underwear, you are some of my favourites. Dear leopard print underwear- I like wearing you, you make me feel good. Sexy, even. To the leopard print pair with the black lace around the edge- one day I will buy the matching bra for you, but it is expensive.I promise that I will get around to making that purchase one day, just be patient. Dear plain cotton underwear- Thank you for being so dependable and reliable. Thank you for being there for me and offering your support. I always appreciate it. Just remember that I am not angry at you, I am angry at nature, please don't hold it against me. Dear patterned cotton underwear- Thank you for supporting all my different moods. If I want to be cute and innocent I can wear the butterfly pair or the pair with the hearts. If I am feeling teasing or naughty I can wear the pairs that have words and sayings on the back across the ass. Thank you for secretly being better than my millions of pairs of plain cotton underwear. (Sssssh don't tell. He finds it a very useful way to keep the souls of the saints safe from your pernicious influence, no offense intended. He wants to catch those souls in the largest net that Heaven has ever fished at once. They will get in under the auspices of their old religions, which should reduce some confusion over the new way.“Muslims will get in if they’ve done at least three of the Five Pillars of Islam, and no, it doesn’t matter which three. Samaritans must be circumcised in the case of men, married in the case of women, just because Michael lacked a similar rite for women, and he wanted also to reward and encourage holy matrimony, set a good example for others. Bahai and Mandeans will remain on a case-by-case basis. If martyred for their faiths, though, in all cases, it’s an automatic admission to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter has his new instructions and he doesn’t seem to mind them at all.“So, here’s a list of celebrities who are not to be touched. If you leave them alone, Michael swears.
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