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But," she said looking to me still in shock that I sprung this, "Dean could do things with you LIKE a step-daddy might do. Then if everyone is happy with the way we all get along, then Dean and I would get married." She explained."Hmmm ... married, that's what we did in the old days. None of this practicing." Her mother piped in under her breath, loud enough for Di and I to hear."Had I practiced before ... I might not have an ex, Mom. I might have learned things before they happened." She said quietly enough that Missy didn't pay attention.The waiter came back to collect our salad plates and the remains of the anti-pasta and left us a plate telling us, "You dinner will be out in just a few minutes, please enjoy this fried dough, compliments of the Chef to clear your palette."Missy tugged at her Mother and said "I hafta go to the bathroom Mommy.", so Dianna got up and took her, leaving me with her mother."How many women have you lived with, trying to find the right one?" She said, not. Ruth had become dependent, almost addicted, to our special brand of friendship with benefits. Did she live in constant fear that I would one day stop being her friend and thus stop providing her with the shelter and convenience of a virtual relationship? Did she ever fully realize that I would have done anything for her, on any level, if only she could love me back in kind? I wondered.I had determined years ago that the problem was really within me. What Ruth had needed most was for me to take the reins and push her out of her comfort zone and into reality. I know that I would have loved her and cherished her during the first difficult real encounter and long afterward. She had been my first true love, and I loved her still for holding that place in my heart. What Ruth had needed was me to be the man I was today, but back then I was still just a boy with no clue in the universe of how to break the sexual stalemate we'd found ourselves in. We were both virgins trapped in a fantasy,.
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