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I had the middle seat, so I stowed my bag, took off my suit jacket and I hoped my luck would hold for the person who got the aisle seat. I’ve learned that business travel gold is no longer an empty middle seat – the flights are always full. The standard now is seats next to really tiny people who will not crowd you. Ideally, I’d fly on flights with tour groups of anorexic midgets. I scanned the people coming down the aisle thinking ‘Please him… not him… please her.’ I saw the person who would sit next to me and blanched. First, it was a she and I really did not want to deal with my little incubus problem on an airplane. Second, this woman was the poster person for America’s obesity epidemic. I had been borderline obese and after losing all the weight I had developed an aversion to people who were truly obese. This woman was all of 5 foot 2 inches and 400 pounds if she were an ounce. She had curves, like an apple has curves. She smiled at me in a friendly way, stowed her bag and sat. Then, with the acquisition of the heels, Joe found that due to his hopeless addiction to spending a fair amount of his leisure time as an anatomically correct member of the fairer sex himself, he was forced by necessity to add a fourth requirement to that short list of his. That's to say that the woman Joe married had to one: accept that rather unusual proclivity of his for spending a fair amount of time as a female; and two: be able to function as Joe's bisexual lover in order to address those bipolar carnal needs of his.*** Though Beth was noticeable reluctant to bid him goodnight, she didn't try to make Joe feel the least little bit guilty when he informed her shortly after eight that evening that while he hated to do so, he'd best be getting home. All she demanded of him was that he call her as soon as he got home in order to let her know that he had arrived safely. Joe was more than happy to oblige. He was even happier to accept Beth's invitation to have dinner at her place on.
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