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“An excellent suggestion, as ever mother,” Eiza sighed, “No thought for my sentiments.”Mr Bennet staggered drunkenly into the breakfast room after a break fast of Rum and Porter in roughly equal proportions. “Oh don’t be so reticent dear, One can not have sentiments where marriage is concerned, let the Gentleman sample the merchandise.”Eliza fumed, “He desires to sample me not wed me.”“Indeed I do not,” Mr D’arcy sighed, “I merely wish to shoot your Peasants, I mean Pheasants.”“Then why have you a trouser bulge Mr D’arcy?” Mr Bennet observed.“Father!” Miss Eliza declared, “Do you really expect me to conjoin with Mr D’arcy without a promise?”“Oh really Mr Bennet,” Mrs Bennet declaimed, “Would you let just any Gentleman sample your daughter without a promise.”“Actually,” Eliza observed, “Now you mention it his trouser bulge looks most promising.”“Come on man, make a promise,” Mr Bennet ordered.“Very well, ten guineas and ten more if she pleases me,” Mr D’arcy offered.“Done,” Mr Bennet. “Don’t forget how pissed you were last night Jen, you were well gone, it’s all my fault for letting you do it, not yours, I could easily have stopped it, all of it and I really should have, but it was dead sexy.”“You were pissed too Mike, I don’t blame you. I also know what a kinky bastard you are about all this shit, just from that film we once watched. You probably thought all your birthdays had come at once last night when I went along with it. It’s not even the fact that a dog has actually fucked me that I’m having problems getting my head around. You still don’t get it do you? Can’t you work it out yet?”“What is it then? It’s easy. Just forget all about it all.” I said, even more sympathetically. “You can’t remember very much about it anyway, only odd bits. Just blank out what you can remember about last night and I’ll promise not to bring it up ever again, that’s it, job is done.”“But It’s not really about last night, it’s this afternoon. I feel more than a bit sheepish about.
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