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After a while a guy came in and sat at the side of he said hi after a few minutes he opened his coat there was his cock not hard but big. I reached over and touched it, it liked the attention as it got hard it was was getting larger so I started to wank it moving up and down as I usually did with mine.It was impressive a full 8" and thick. He then placed his hand on my head and pushed my head down, I didn't know what to do as I was under the impression I was going to get a blow job not give it, but I let him push my head down and I opened my mouth and started to suck his cock, it filled my mouth and was touching the back of my mouth. It was very nice and I was soon sucking him like a pro, he was pushing up as I was bobbing my willing mouth. I heard some one come along the back row and site at the other side of me, he asked the guy is he good and the guy answers yes, okay he said. My mind was racing another guy was going to expect a blow job from me. He then said lets go to the. Of course, it's not going to happen.I lie awake at night, planning the speech I would make to the masses in assembly. I dream of transition, of surgery, of hormones, of just being me, of life. My life at the moment is hell; my body is a twisted, mangled wreck. I hate it.I get depressed, a lot; in fact, it makes more sense to say that I occasionally feel okay, because my natural state is of self-hatred. I've started carrying a razor round with me now, in the pocket of my coat. It's not like the big fucker I keep in the bag behind my chest of drawers, or the knife I keep in my desk, but a little one, still in the casing. It's enough to cause pain and to draw blood, and it will do for when I just can't wait until I get home.It's impossible to describe how it feels to hate yourself so much. To loathe and despise every inch of your hideous, malformed body; to live every day in a prison constructed from your own flesh and blood.***Friday: more of the same, really. I don't get.
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