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But to be honest I've always been too afraid to relinquish control to someone else. The thought of not being in control of myself terrifies me." She swallowed hard as she thought about what she was going to say next. "But with my new job, I'm finding the pressure is sometimes too much for me. I'm expected to be on top of everything all of the time. I'm expected to always have all of the right answers and to know how to do anything." She paused again to lick her lips. "Now, don't get me wrong or anything Carl. I do enjoy my job and certainly don't regret taking it, but the pressure is sometimes overwhelming for me."She paused again as she considered what she was going to say next. I didn't want to interrupt her as I knew this had to be difficult for her, so I just continued to stroke her hair soothingly and waited patiently until she was ready to continue."After reading your stories again, I decided I wanted to know what it felt like to not be in control of myself. To relinquish. In a word, Lucrezia wanted to accept. She would live comfortably and be the respected wife of a prominent citizen. It was the best she could expect, from her view.Joerg did not press her. She had been honest from the start, and she had kept her side of the deal all during the march north, showing a ravenous appetite for his body. He was sad nonetheless when he wished her well. He entrusted her to Enrico Pollini who would give her away at her wedding, but he did not respond to her veiled offer of a last night together.They skirted Venetian lands on their way north. With the horses and wagons, they were able to travel twenty and more miles each day. They also carried provisions, easing the pressure to find food. Joerg pressed his fähnlein hard, and by late August, they reached the Gotthard Pass. The crossing was arduous, but the weather held all the way to St. Gallen. They paid a road tax there, and were allowed to rest for a week.On the first evening there, Katherine asked her brothers.
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