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Dave sighedinto her best new quiet disappointment voice. "So there was an ulteriormotive to this gift. Your team needs another player. Is that a stringattached?"Sandra squirmed in waves of heartache and arousal. She had expectedanger, but the disappointment was so much worse. She never wanted todisappoint someone so beautiful again, it was the worst feeling. Shealso couldn't believe that she couldn't stop her own dumb brain fromhearing that question so personally whispered as flirting and arousing.She had never expected to be so aroused while getting so sad and upset.The parts of Sandra's brain that had been worried that she was flirtingtoo much with Dave before when he was just teenage crush on step-dadwere now overloading with concern that Dave had decades more experiencein flirting than she did and couldn't decide if this was weaponizedarousal or her own dumb emotional state or both. She was worried whatnew Dave could do if she was actually used to that hot body and tried. I hadn't seen the messages until much later, and so I hadn't responded to them, but it's bad enough without that technicality.He says he needs to go dark. I agree. I delete and block him from my chat program.*****Losing Patrick like this has been difficult. I'm so used to having him to talk to that not having him there is a huge hole in my day.I'd be flat-out lying if I didn't acknowledge that the funk I've been in for the past month isn't, in large part, due to this relationship ending. I know I've been mourning the loss of him; I feel the loss to my core.He knew me. He knew my thoughts, my quirks, my body... sometimes better than I did. He has been my best friend, he's made my days bearable, filled in what my husband is unwilling to give me. Going even two days without talking to him was rare. Cutting him off is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I miss him a lot. Really, really a lot. I fight the idea of making contact every single day.And the kicker is that I can't.
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