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." he started off by saying but then decided he did notwant to go into details, he finished his phrase with, "... you have noidea."Already having spent the previous hour chatting away with her daughteras to what she was making the pledges do this year, Paul's mom finallynoticed the number thirteen written on his forehead. Knowing about it'ssignificance, she asked with fake sympathy, "I take it a lot of girlssaw your little ding-a-ling and laugh at it's size... is that it?" sheinquired with a smirk, wanting to know more of the nitty-gritty."Yes, many people saw it...", he said as he started to blush, "...andyes, most of them did tease me about my size." Aww... poor baby!" his mom just giggled, as she continued doing herthing getting the food ready, not really feeling any empathy for him."What did I tell you about 'sticks and stones' little man?" I know mom, but..." Paul paused for a second, "... I don't think I cango through with it. I think I'm going to quit first thing in. I desperately wanted someone, yet my fantasies brought my standards so high, and I judged so thoroughly on first sight, that no one seemed good enough. No, too fat. No, too tanned. Too hairy. Too tall. Watch for an erection… nope, too small. It didnt help that girls are expected to be practically sexless. Were not supposed to want sex, were supposed to use it. Were not supposed to be attracted to a male body, maleness is supposed to be an ugly and silly thing that we tolerate for its usefulness. Knowing that I didnt feel this way, and being encouraged to think I was alone in it, did wonders to isolate me from my own sex for fear of its judgment, and to make even just experiencing lust seem so taboo that it was made all the stronger. So, with a boiling sex drive I wasnt supposed to have, and very specific tastes that seemed unmeetable, I was almost convinced that I was somehow broken on both levels and that I would go on like this, desperate for the impossible, through the rest of my.
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