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“I’m the father of THREE c***dren.” The woman grinned and said, “That’s what YOU think!”151. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’ll wish you had a fucking club and a spade.152. On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”I took a drink from my bottle of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, “I am. That’s why she cuts the grass.”153. I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.” I said, “I think my penis tastes. Thank goodness that Tiffany had taken charge as if nothing had happened, or sleepyhead Henry would still be snoozing.She'd made it down to the office by nine, but she hadn't been able to deal with much of anything. She hadn't told anyone about the snake -- the aftermath was just too embarrassing to admit, much less contemplate. Every time her mind wandered, and it wandered repeatedly, she could see the snake there in the bathtub, and the more she thought about it, the worse it got to her.No matter how bad she had to go -- and by the time that Tiffany had Henry ready for school, it was pretty bad -- she could not force herself go to into the bathroom again. It was hard to get made up in the bedroom, but it would have to do, no matter what. Even as bad as she had to go to the bathroom by the time she got to the office, she could barely force herself to go to the bathroom there before the pee was dribbling down her leg.And now, she had to go again. She wondered if she'd ever be able to.
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