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It was exciting for her, and then for me to listen to it. ‘I was able to talk with my Dad’s mother Rosa a couple of years before she died. She was a very pious woman and a good listener. We talked about what I had done. For some reason she started telling me that she stopped listening to Rush on the radio. This was out of left field and I started wondering if she was starting to lose it. She heard the concern in my voice and asked for a couple of minutes to be patient. ‘One day my father, who tends to be not political at all, was over at her apartment when Rush came on. While she was saying the rosary and listening to Rush, he asked her a question. Is this someone that does what Jesus would do and be? Then he stated to actually repeat what Rush was saying and implying. This was not her faith that she was listening to. Her faith kept her going over 5 years after my grandfather died. She said that after hearing so clearly from her son’s mouth repeating all the messages Rush was saying,. Shehad become, she told me, a neo-pagan. The desire for heaven, she said,"is nothing but a Church-approved kind of concupiscence. Religion 'cures'self-centeredness by approving of another version of self-centeredness,condemning the Earth-centered versions that, at one time, needed to becriticized, but that now, as neo-Paganism, is a robust critique therampant afterlife-obsessed (and this Earth-ignoring) religiosity that hassevered humanity's collective imagination from our planet."I wasn't in the mood. Far from. In my illness it was impossible tocherish Earth or This Life with anything like Roberto's enthusiasm. Heleft rather quickly, let down by my lack of interest in all the things hehad to say about the wonders of Earth-worship.In the throes of this illness, suspicion marked my psyche. I doubted somany presumptions, but never the meaningfulness, to me, of my personalpractice of cross-dressing. Transvestitism has always been a kind ofperformance art in which, in my case, I'm both.
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