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I took a sip of orange juice while Bethany and I grinned at each other over our shared secret.“I heard y’all giggling and yelling half the night,” Mom said as she sat down. “It’s a good thing your brother stayed over at Mark’s house.”I nearly spit out my orange juice, but managed a drip-less chuckle. “I was teasing her about Collen.”“And I was teasing her about Mark,” Bethany said. Her color deepened from pink to red as she added some cut fruit to her plate.“Isn’t Mark a little old for you?” Mom asked with a mock serious expression.“I guess I’ll take Mason if I have to,” I teased back with an exasperated sigh. Bethany shot me an odd look, but I just bit a pear slice and winked to reassure her.“So what are y’all going to do today?” Mom asked.“Dunno. Hang out. I gotta do some laundry, but that won’t take too long,” I said forcing myself to keep a straight face.“Maybe we can go swimming,” Bethany said, then looked at me. “Can I borrow a suit?”“I grew out of that green one from last. Two months ago she’d started at U of T. She had a fall fashion show scheduled for late October in Italy. She was busy.I brushed her hair back. She smiled, so beautiful. “Marry me,” I asked again, now for the fifth time.“No.”“Then tell me why not. We’re happy. We love each other.”“You’re not ready.”Frustrated, I said, “Enough with the not ready, honey. Tell me why!”She smiled softly, reached out and caressed my jaw. “When you can go into Addison’s room, then you’ll be ready.”As much as it hurt to hear it, the truth hurt even more. Kimber was right. I’d avoided Addison’s bedroom, forever closed, my way of avoiding painful memories, shut away in a corner of my mind.I was happy, yet the ghost of her hovered. While Kimber slept, I wrestled with fear. Opening her bedroom would open memories I had pushed down. I’d never faced the loss, accepted, the prospect terrifying me. I could never forgive myself.Maybe Kimber was right. Maybe she was far, far more insightful than I gave her credit for.I.
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