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I really don’t care.” Sheila turned on her heel and entered the house. I sighed and started walking home.I began walking home, in the obscenely small bikini that my former friend- my former best friend- Sheila was forcing me to wear. The last time I had made this walk, it was in flat shoes, and that took me half an hour, so I figured in heels it would probably take closer to forty-five minutes.I hadn’t even gotten out of Sheila’s neighborhood yet when some high school kids drove by and slowed down so that they were moving along no faster than I was. One of them leaned out the window and called, “Hey, do you go to my school, baby?” The ridiculous question caused his friends to laugh like hyenas, so he persisted. “Seriously, you’re shaking that big ol’ thang like you’re trying to break it. You need a ride someplace?”I was already angry, first at having to dress like this in the first place, and even worse, to have to walk home wearing this humiliating outfit, when Sheila could have. Despite what you might've read (and some people wishfully think), it doesn't happen that way. It takes time to build a level of trust. It also helps to learn enough about a person to know what makes them react - to know what buttons to push and which ones to leave alone.Personally, I've always had the desire for someone else to be in control of me, at least sometimes. It's like taking a vacation from myself. I want someone to get inside my head and turn the volume down and lead me to feel things I really want to but am afraid to try. I was raised to be the "good girl", not allowed to let go and enjoy all the nasty little pleasures of life. What he gives me is the freedom to feel everything without the guilt of it."Feel me inside your head," he said. "Listen to my voice and feel me inside of you." I listened and with my eyes closed; his voice was the only thing in my world now. My focus on it was sharp and complete as he told me what to feel and my body responded as if hands were.
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