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My bikini is small and makes me look great, so I can't blame him...And he's hot, so I have to admit that I like him looking at me in this way, even though I know you probably wouldn't like it.I start to feel a little naughty and so I say..."Like what you see there?" Yes I do!" he says with a smile, "You have a beautiful body." Mmmmmm, thats what my boyfriend tells me." I say."I bet, although Im starting to wonder if this boyfriend exists...?" He does, he's just taking his time, I wonder where he is?"And I turn to look for you but you are nowhere to be seen.He's looking too, and when its obvious that there is no one else around, he moves a little closer again and gently puts his hand on my shoulder.He looks into my eyes with a smile and gently strokes down my arm, across my hand and onto my thigh.It feels so nice in the hot water, and I smile back without meaning to.This gives him a bit of confidence and he strokes back up my thigh, across my hip and up my waist.Just slowly and gently. I did want to hang onto the "women's prerogatives" that drove him away. I needed that attention and the reassurance that he loved me and I thought that, as a woman, I automatically deserved it. He made it clear that I hadn't been earning it and that he would be content to let the house of cards that we called a marriage remain collapsed. It was a sad realization and I tried hard to find a way to blame him for it, but I could imagine each objection he would raise to any point I tried to make and I knew that they were inescapably damning.Finally I thought about what I had learned about myself that night and whether it offered a way to reverse the trend toward divorce. I found a glimmer of hope in my sexual response to his being forceful and uncompromising and I realized that I could accept inequality and a submissive sexual role and still get the attention that I craved. I realized that I would get that attention while making amends and that I did not deserve better until I earned.
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