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" Oh," I said liking where this conversation was going."You just have to know which buttons to push, that all," he said."And what are they?" I asked almost holding my breath."It her tits," he said."Her tits?" I said."Yeah," he said taking another drink. "She loves having them fondled but just you wait, start sucking on her nipples and she just losses it." Oh," I said.That was something to store away, just in case."Yeah, suck on her nips and her legs just fall open," he slurred, "works every time."The wedding was approaching fast and I had volunteered to do the driving on Joe's Stag party. I just got him to bed, he was completely out of it when his mobile phone beeped. It was a friend of Lisa who required a lift for her and Lisa back from their Hen night."No problem," I said and left again.Lisa friend Billie was very nice too, but not interested in swapping phone numbers so I dropped her off fast. Lisa was well gone too but she wasn't as far gone as Joe."Come in for coffee," she. Paul was a guy I knew through school. We weren’t at the same school but had met at various events and discovered that we had a number of hobbies in common. One of these was wanking and so we had become firm (ha-ha) wank buddies.I was round at Paul’s house one afternoon and we had decided to have a little wanking session. We were lying naked on his bed, close together as it was only a single bed, and stroking each other in a relaxed but erotic mood.Without warning the door to Paul’s room opened and his mother walked in with an armful of laundry. “Shit,” said Paul as we scrambled apart trying to hide our erections, “don’t you know how to knock?” I fully expected Jean, his mother, to throw a tantrum but instead she threw her head back and laughed loudly, so much that the tears were running down her face.“My God,” she said, “the things you see when you least expect them. How long has this being going on?” Paul had calmed down a bit from his previous anger which had of course been brought.
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