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It was time to test the waters of being an independent consultant.~The next day, an uneasy feeling came over me as I pushed open the heavy, wooden door and entered Gimlets. Meghan was dressed in faded jeans and a tight fitting purple hoodie, sitting at the bar with another dancer. When she spotted me, her face lit up. She waved me over.My chest suddenly got tight and I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if I had been kicked in the gut. Without thinking, I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and held up my hand with my index finger extended. Meghan nodded in reply to my ‘one minute please, I have to take this call’ gesture. I headed outside to try and catch my breath and had to lean against the building to steady myself from the spinning in my head. The cold reality of approaching middle age, being recently divorced, unemployed, and chasing after a twenty-something girl made me feel nauseous.What the fuck had happened to me?“Are you okay?” The question sounded like it had travelled. We both were journalism majors and took many of the same courses overthe past couple of years and became friends. Finally, I asked her out ona date.After our first, I was in love. We laughed at the same things and justhad a great time. After about two weeks, we began seeing each otherevery day. Sex was great. She didn't care that I wasn't endowed. Thenone day, because we were serious, I decided to be honest with her."I need to tell you something," I said. "I'm a crossdresser."She sat silently."Don't get the wrong idea. I don't want to be a woman and I'm not a dragqueen. And I'm not gay. Most crossdresser are not gay."Still she sat in silence."I thought I should tell you because how serious our relationship hasbecome. Can you say something?" I think I need time to think about it."That's when I thought that I should have kept my big mouth shut. I left,but called later in the night. Diane still wasn't ready to talk aboutit.I called her every day for a week until she was finally ready to.
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