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I must shake the rainwater out of my fur beforeentering the house - not after.9. I will not come in from outside,and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.10. I will not sit in the middle of the livingroom, and lick my crotch11. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’,so when I play with him and he makes that noise,it’s usually not a good thing.P.S. Dear God:When I get to Heaven,may I have my testicles back?Some Random Thoughts... Someone Just Honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.So I was at the bar last night and the Waitress Screamed... “Anyone know CPR?”I said, “Hell I know the entire alphabet.”Everyone laughed... Well everyone except this one guy!Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up too!Unless you are in prison!From a friend of J & G.Three pilots “flew west” on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. ‘In honor of the season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes. Good god, I miss my father. Hold the gun just so. Never do this. Always do that. When we headed back to Leslie’s with my first deer he tossed me an eight-inch carving knife encased in black leather. ‘You’ll need that pretty soon.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Don’t want to use your teeth. I don’t think.’ ‘No sir.’ Dad and I drove to a shed in a clearing where we’d clean the animals. There was a contraption I loved. It looked like the sturdiest coat hanger ever made. Actually it reminded me of when following my dad’s back surgery he’d lain in bed for weeks with a fantastic metal trapeze above his eyes. I’d hang from my crooked gold legs, white hair cutting my father’s image into slivers of laugh. I cried when he could walk and function without it. The deer trapeze was different. It was attached to rope, hooks, and pulleys, true, but it also had two spikes, one at each end of the triangle’s base. You stabbed them through the back feet of the deer. When the deer was secure you hauled it up and let it hang.
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