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I told Tom I was all right and would be homesoon. He sounded a little relieved, I told him not to wait up, Hesaid he would try but in any case to wake him when I got in. Ipromised and we hung up. I asked Gloria if I could leave. Shetold me that they weren't done with me yet. She wanted to get afew more shots of me with my ring finger wrapped around Dave'spenis. I was posed again, and again. Finally they were through.Gloria told me to dress, as I had been dressed when I arrived. Idid but Mona stopped me when I started to put the skirt on.Gloria told me that I was through for the weekend but that I hadbetter be back Monday at 1:30 with the family Christmas cards. "Do you hear me?" "Yes, I heard." "Than you better be here."Gloria took me into the kitchen where we were joined by Mona."Joan, I have a few instructions for you; first you will no longerwear pantsuits or jeans, you will wear skirts and dresses ALWAYS,second you will no longer say no to a man, and third you will usethe back. However it had happened, I had been born with the wrong gender. She was what I should have been and what I had to be, to become whole and content with myself and my life. Anything less was insufficient.Playing the part, without the intentions of actually becoming what I needed to be, should have been, was only self-abuse. That is why, I perceived the young woman in Janice's mirror, to be mocking me.It's a difficult decision to make, to change one's life so entirely. For many an even harder decision than mine was.I could, of course, question my mother's and Janice's influence on me. That I had been indoctrinated, into believing, that I would be better off female than male.Still, a lot of how we feel about our selves is dictated by how others feel and act towards us. That was the argument that I couldn't avoid.In neither gender would I be entirely accepted or functional.As Conner, I could not have children and neither as Story.Being Conner, I would always carry the stigma of wimp and.
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