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Some computer database somewhere had my name in a record andsomeone had entered "Ms" next to it. I threw the card in the trash hopingI would never see it again.Life continued. I'd nearly forgotten about the postcard when I gotanother one a few week later. Dear Ms. Andrew White, We don't understand why you haven't claimed your free pair of Sheer Energy pantyhose...Followed by more marketing lingo. This wasn't going away. Someone knew. Ididn't want anyone to know. This was supposed to be private. However, Ireally did want those pantyhose. I knew the mailman had already droppedthe card off, but I didn't really want him seeing me sending it back out.Instead I drove to the nearest post office, checked the box next to "Yes,please send me my pair of complementary pantyhose" and dropped the cardin the mailbox.I checked my mailbox each day with some trepidation and excitement. Eachday it was empty, I felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. Then itarrived. A manila envelope. Their parents were tired of it. Dad was a mechanical engineer and Mom wasa seamstress, and they put together two sets of footie pajamas withrubber-coated zippers on the backs, big fluffy mittens on the ends of thearms, and elliptical plastic bottoms on the feet. The colorful pajamaswere decorated with rainbows, unicorns, pink stars, lots of pink bows, andthe boys' names in baby blocks, with big frilly skirts at the waists.The next time the boys had another silly argument, their frustratedparents picked them up, diapered them, and put the crying boys in theirspecial pajamas, zipping them up and saying that if they were going to actlike selfish babies, then that's how they would be treated. "We're notmaking you keep wearing these, and they don't have locks on them," Dadsaid. "If you don't want to wear them anymore, just take them off," Momadded.But they couldn't take them off! Their fluffy mittens wouldn't let themget a grip on their zippers when they reached behind themselves..
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