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That Saturday people started arriving just before noon. The men seemed disappointed that I was in a more normal bikini and made comments to that affect.As the drinks flowed everyone loosened up. Jim our neighbor on the right was some sort of radio station person and seemed to take over our entertainment. My husband told me that he had set him up to see how far he could get the women in the neighborhood to go. What!He held a bikini contest where the smallest one was chosen as well as the largest bikini, then the one that looked the best on its owner. Then the men got to pick the largest set of breasts as well as the smallest set and the most perfect set. After that were best butt, longest legs, and nicest hair competitions. Surprisingly I won the best in all of the contests.Then our neighbor started the men begging for me to put on the bikini that I was wearing in the invitation. I told then that I would if some of the other women would too. So then the husbands were pleading and. How do you cut all those ties without casting yourself asunder? I knew I would cry when it happened. When I let the guillotine fall on his happy heart I knew it would be nasty. He would beg and plead and ask for something I was incapable of giving? Probably I would cry rivers tomorrow, hugging my pillow in weakness. Tonight I would hold back the flood of tears and give him his final minutes. I would get a grip, hide that welling tear, wear a plastic smile and let him have me one last time. I needed to let him pretend that I would still be his when the fall sun rose in the morning. Some people are oblivious to the equinox, even when it stares them in the face. Why am I so here and there? Why am I tossing and turning and feeling all out of sorts? My mother says she suspects I’m a Gemini, equal parts of wanting thrills and wanting stability, a girl here and yet over there. A girl thirsty for love and yet wanting her total freedom, can she have both? Only with a very special man and I.
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