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Once romance enters the picture, it falls apart. I know that Brendan has strong feelings for you and if you return them, that’s okay. You should be happy, I want you to be happy. What happened between us last night, that was — amazing. It will remain amazing in my mind for as long as I live. I will keep it between us for as long as I live, but Felicia, if I didn’t tell you now, this very moment, I would never have forgiven myself. I love you, Felicia Beck — I always have and I always will.’ I took a final breath and stood up, ready to face whatever came next. ‘Richard?’ I looked at this woman who had so long ago grabbed on to my heart and soul and held it tight. She had the power to crush me and yet, I knew whatever she did, I would be able to bear it because I trusted her. ‘You had me at `Felicia’,’ she smiled at me and threw her arms around my neck. There were sharp bolts of lightning going through my body as the woman I loved returned my love the way I hoped she would. Yes, it. That and being so mad and frustrated and full of hate myself. I didn't want to hate anyone. I didn't like the way it felt, like a cancer or something eating away at me.But I hated those girls.I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. I just leaned on one of the sinks, spitting first and then turning on the water and washing my mouth out and then my face. I was using soap on my tongue and it tasted horrible, but all I could think about was that I'd had my head in a toilet. I was washing myself almost violently, crying again and wondering how Mark or Chris were ever going to like me after this. They'd never want to kiss me, I knew that. Everybody would know too, like the whole school. I was feeling pathetic and sorry for myself.When I did look in the mirror my face was flushed and puffy, and my eyes looked like they belonged to an old woman, all baggy and red rimmed from crying. My hair was soaked and stringy, clinging to my face and neck. My top was wet too. I was ugly and.
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