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After that I have cognisance of very little except the interminable wait at a south London police station before my parents arrived, looking shaken and distraught, and doing their best to pour oil on troubled waters. The divorce was bitter and protracted. Marcus hired top-notch lawyers to argue his case and they did their level best to paint me as a hysterical obsessive with lesbian tendencies (Marcus had obviously hired his own team of PI’s). With a wonderful twist of irony it was the weekend after I confronted Marcus and Josie at her flat that I discovered I was pregnant. I told no one, not even my mother. I’ll never know if it was the fact that I was barely eating at the time, or the fact that I was drinking heavily, or just the natural course of events, but I lost the baby less than three weeks later. So there it was. I couldn’t hold my man or my child. In my mind I was a failure as a wife and a failure as a mother – overall a failure as a women. The world became a pretty dark. Her eyes never looked up from my fingers. ‘I wouldn’t know where to start. There are too many pieces to pick up. Too much was shattered to even make a start at it.’ She gave my hand a squeeze then tried to turn them loose. I caught hers back. ‘Then let me help. I’m good at picking up pieces of shattered lives. I had to do it with mine twice already. Please, Peggy … let me help.’ ‘Mark ….’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t even know if I want to bother. What would be the point? I’m passed the middle of my life. All that effort for a few more years, then what? To watch another man grow old? Get sick before my eyes? To see it all happen again?’ Reaching up, I brushed a tear from her eye. ‘Peggy … that is only one possible future. How about one where you live happily for years and years together. Where you see the world together.’ She looked up at me sadly. I couldn’t tell if I was getting through or not. ‘Imagine all that you might never see.’ ‘Like what? Huh? Like what? Some building in.
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