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You can do this, Kevin. "Would you ... I mean ... umm ... Would you like to ... you know ... um ... get some ... eh ... coffee?" I finally stammered out.Jessie blinked at me. "Are you trying to ask me out? For coffee?"I nodded, not trusting myself to speak anymore.She eyed me, a considering smile on her face. "Sure, I think that would be nice."My heart sang for joy, but I tried to play it cool. "Great," I said. "Um, shall we ... you know." Get going?" she asked with a smile and I nodded my head. "Sure, let's go."Neither of us had a car, so we walked the few blocks to the Starbucks. It was in the same strip mall the old Borders Bookstore used to be in before they went out of business. I used to love shopping at the Borders and now it was some lame store called TJ Max. We walked in silence. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. I was on a date with Jessie Smith. My heart could sing!I ordered a venti Mocha and Jessie ordered a Chai tea. Our drinks in. Instead, he took her to a fancy pizzeria in a suburban mall, only to discover that this wasn’t much better.After they were seated in the small booth, Maggie had stared down at the table in front of her. “Harry, look, somebody messed up and gave me two forks!”“Babs, that’s your salad fork,” he said quizzically.“Huh?”“You eat your salad with the small fork, and your meal with the big one,” he explained.Faced with her ignorance and inelegance, Babs Obriski broke down and cried, the tears gushing out along with a mangled attempt to explain her inability and naiveté. Harry simply scooted around the booth to her side. Throwing a bear-like arm around her shoulders, he used his napkin to wipe away her tears, telling her, “Babs, I know you’re not all that fancy, but I didn’t ask you out because I thought you were fancy. If I wanted some damn debutante, I’d have gotten my mother to hitch me up with some daughter of one of her friends.” Babs stopped crying long enough to listen. “Listen, I’ve.
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