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Between the depression and the drugs, suicide seems like an easy out.”“Celia, you’re killing me. You volunteered to go out there? How did you do that?”“I slept my way into the good graces of my basic trainer. He showed me a mockup of the NSAT. It wasn’t really the equivalent of the real test, which is all computerized, but he showed me how the computer was rigged to identify the lowest and slowest to put in the fields. Let me tell you, when the question pops up on your test, ‘Would you rather a) eat shit or b) pick beans,’ choose ‘eat shit’.”“But even that wouldn’t get you assigned where Leslie is. How did you manage that?”“Slept with my NSO trainer who referred me to the bed of the recruitment officer who referred me to the bed of the placement officer. Then I slept with the field manager to get placed in the same bunkroom with Leslie.”“That’s totally corrupt!”“Yeah. Fortunately, one of the things being in a pod taught us was that sleeping with someone wasn’t a violation of our. He wanted no more to do with her except as a punching bag upon whom he could take out his drunken frustrations. Kyle seemed to model himself after his father. He too refused to allow her to explain and avoided her whenever possible. She noticed Kyle trying to draw closer to his father, but despite the fact that they shared an intense hatred for her, Allan remained as self absorbed as always, spending no more time with Kyle than before, which was practically none. She had never told Kyle that Allan had wanted her to have an abortion when they found out she was pregnant. Being a good Catholic, she had refused and Allan had begrudgingly agreed to 'do the right thing'. Thus began a marriage consummated for all the wrong reasons. She would learn how wrong as Allan had drifted from job to job, barely paying the rent, always blaming others for his own shortcomings. The beatings had probably been both an outlet for his personal feelings of inadequacy teamed with resentment for feeling he was.
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