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She came over to where he was and blew smoke at his head, Troy was reaching for his trousers which were draped over a chair and most the smoke ball missed.“Go sit down,” Kate said.“I don't want to bow to to that god,” Troy replied.Kate took another puff and blew again, this one connected and the smoke hit him flush in the face.“Hey!” Troy said.“Go sit on the couch,” Kate commanded.“I want to leave,” Troy said, “will you stop blowing smoke at me?”Kate said, “No, I will not stop, and you don't want me to stop, you want me to smoke you up.”Troy turned away from Kate and began putting his shirt on.She came around to where he was, and said, “Watch this.”She put the lit cigarette back to her lips and took another good puff, then, like it had before, a thick ball of white smoke hit Troy square in the face, taking his breath away briefly.He was stunned and shook his head.Kate smiled broadly at Troy.“See what I mean, you like that smoke,” Kate said.Kate smiled again at his reaction.“Sit down!”. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the life I so desperately wish to live with him and only him. I think of a life full of unconditional love and happiness. I wish to come home to a house full of our memories together, the hardships we overcame to be together and all the delights that followed. I dream of Christmas mornings and hearing our children run into the living room to see.
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