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I was without solace. Oh, work filled up my days, but the nights stretched on forever. Especially on weekends, when sleep wouldn't come.I tried reading books or watching TV, but I'd look around the house and break into tears when I saw something that reminded me of her. I had to get out, at least for a little while. But where? I'm a shy person. I wanted someplace where no one would talk to me. I would not bare my soul to strangers, just as I had never bared my body -- gosh, even through all the years of my marriage I don't think my wife ever saw my body completely uncovered; I always put the lights off first.A movie theater? Much too expensive these days. Walks in the park? Too dangerous.I began to ride the subways. One token and you can ride all night, and in our city, as long as you look awake and healthy you're fairly safe on the trains; the muggers have plenty of other choices.So I rode every Friday and Saturday, into the night. In the early evenings it was its own form of. Did we get too serious?" She wondered."No, I just fucked up. Had I put my priorities in order none of that would have happened. I want it to go back to what we had. There was nothing wrong with that, I just took you for granted that you would understand and that was wrong, and I KNOW THAT. As far as me thinking you were my fuck doll that was mean and way, way off." I know, it hurt me to say it, but I wanted you to know how much I was hurt. I know you don't USE me. I demand as much from you in the bedroom as you do me." She admitted."So, should I come over and walk you here?" I asked, trying to be cute."I know the way. Give me 15 minutes to shower." She said."You could do that here." I suggested."Then we would fuck before we talked and that shouldn't happen." She said adamantly.I stayed silent and she said "See you in a few", then hung up.We got into a long discussion about priorities and expectations once she got there and I had a real hard time getting through to her how I can just.
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