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Mentally, I was absolutely certain that Anita and I could never be together, not in any permanent, romantic, sense. Emotionally, for whatever reason, I found myself unable to completely let her go. This conflict was wearing on me. I had been having it for more than a year already, and seemed no closer to resolving it then I ever had been.I knew this was a self contained conflict. I was battling with myself, and, with some of my recent decisions, like allowing her to come back to the farm, I was stacking the deck against myself. Realizing this, I felt ashamed of myself, because of the glaring lack of maturity and self control this decision had exposed in me. I knew I had too many people depending on me to be able to indulge myself like I had been doing.This thing with Anita was over. I had to just accept that it was, and then move on. Anything less than that would put in jeopardy everything I'd been hoping to accomplish. She and I would never be happy together. Our personalities just. ’ He laughs at my nervousness as I hop on the bike. I hold onto him for dear life while he rides as slow as he can. We finally get to the restaurant in one piece. Jim asks for the reservations for Carr, and the waiter guide us to the table at the far end of the restaurant. As the waiter takes our order, he looks at both of us with a knowing smile and walks off. I ask Jim about this. ‘Hey, why do you think our server gave us that smirk? It’s kinda creepy.’ I say with a shudder. Jim gives me a smile, ‘Do you realize where we’re sitting honey? It’s far away from the other patrons and unless someone looks hard enough, nobody can see us. I guess our servant thinks we’re gonna do something kinky. If you feel uncomfortable, we can move to another table if you’d like.’ I peer around the dimly lit restaurant and quickly realize that Jim was right. I turn to him, my eyes turning sultry, ‘Did you plan to do something kinky to me tonight?’ I’d kinda hoped so because I wanted Jim to see the.
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