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There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m.; for example, it could be the right number.13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.15. Be careful about reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?18. Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Chevy.19. After 65, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead.20. Always be yourself because the people who matter don't mind and the ones who mind don't matter.21. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.And REMEMBER..."POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON"She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car. "What could she possibly understand - she was twenty five years older than I for gods sake?Slowly and calmly I lifted my enclosed hand from my exposed groin, not daring to move my bottoms back to my waist else mother would hear me. It left me exposed to the nights darkness, but I guessed it the lesser of evils. There was no way mother could see a thing - it was pitch black in the little room.The seconds turned into minutes, and in that black void it seemed to take forever. I could hear moms breathing, sounding loud in the darkness, could even feel her breath tickling my cheek as she lay facing me on the pillow next to my own.Sharing an air mattress with your middle-aged mother, on the floor of your sister and brother-in-law's empty spare bedroom, was awkward enough. Having been caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar was downright humiliating."Are you done for the night honey?" Matter a factly stated."Jeez mom!" I was thankful for the dark, if only because I knew my cheeks.
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