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I had no other memories to distract me.In this Hell, I adapted. I’d learned to lie. I’d learned to fake social skills, pretend interest; I’d learned how to survive, not live. I worked out daily hoping the endorphins would assuage my soul. They didn’t - gone before I left the gym. I kept up appearances, maintained the same very short beard Addison had so liked.I’d discovered McEwan’s, a gourmet food shop in Don Mills and, like now, I browsed for premade meals, not that interested, not that hungry. Food was fuel, nothing more.Since her passing four years ago, I’d hired a house cleaning service to do that which I found impossible - to care. The house, garden, and pool were in fine shape, tended by others. Like a veneer, it showed the world I was fine. I wasn’t. I’d never be fine again.A pleasant server at McEwan’s looked at me and smiled. “Can I get you anything?”I pointed at the barbecued salmon. “That, and some rice, please.”From behind me, a voice: “Mr. Roth?”When I turned, I saw a. .for a biologically based method, and I'm not talking about the usual sperm donor method, but something more...direct." I don't follow you," I said.She took a deep breath and said: "I'm talking about having another guy get me pregnant."I glanced up into her face as she said that."Are you serious?" I am," she replied, "but I have to know if YOU would be okay with that." Your suggesting that you fuck some other guy, Nadine," I said."That's right. I am suggesting that. But, before you get all upset and angry, or jealous, for ME... this is my ONLY hope of ever being a mother! So, think about it from that point of view. Okay?" I didn't know what to say at first."Look," Nadine said, "I've been looking around on-line, and, like I said earlier, I've also been chatting on several on-line forum sites for women in my situation, married women, too, I'll add; and I've been quite surprised at just how many married couples, couples unable to afford IVF, like us, that have availed themselves of this.
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